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| Blogs > summerbeginshere > mile high |
why single guys
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why single guys Someone wants to know why I feel single guys are too much work . Ok once and for all "I DONT HATE SINGLE GUYS!" I feel that single guys can be a bit too predatory. A married guy may want me but doesn't need me, he always has his wife as a sexual outlet. Also when I am with a couple I feel like they are allowing me the honor of being involved in their most intimate of situations. Not to say I don't like single guys , I do and have had relationships, they mostly turn out bad. this is why ... Guys may not want to admit it but they tend to become possessive , and the worst offenders are the ones that promise its just for sex. I'm not a physiatrist but here is my theory , I love my independence and men find that attractive and appealing. What happens is they get me then try to tame me, and I wont have it, then what happens is either a big ass blow up and things get thrown. Or I just do what I want anyway , he gets mad then several months of awkward coexistence that usually ends with him finding a lame reason to make his escape. Since I have been on this site I have met a few single guys and even banged a few , One tried to give me a puppy and another had mental break down at Starbucks. Their is a saying all the good ones are gay or married, I cant do anything about the gay ones but can have a good crack at the married ones lol. So single guys are ok and I do play , but I just prefer married couples is all . So don't hate me , that's just the way I feel for now. |
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Unfortunately many couple pick their partners wrong. the old adage "Opposites Attract" is true - but they don't last! Someone with a dominant personality (male or female) will tend to seek and pick someone with a submissive personality - either consciously or subconsciously. The dominant personality wants to be "in charge" and run the finances, pick the furniture and paint schemes, choose the restaurants and movies, etc., etc., etc., so will gravitate to someone who will let the. The submissive personality will lean towards finding a dominant partner who will "Take care of them" by handling the finances, picking the furniture and paint, and choosing the restaurants and movies., etc., etc., etc. Unfortunately, down the road, the dominant one will start to become bored with their mousy, submissive partner, and worse, start to disrespect thm as being less than their equal. They'll find that if they have a submissive personality at home, they'll have it elsewhere. So when they don't fight for that promotion at work, or stand up to their parents or neighbors in a dispute, or let the kids walk all over yjem, the dominant one will eventaully find that unbearable and start looking elsewhere for an "equal" On the other hand, the submissive one will eventually get tired of being their mate's "doormat" and getting little support or recognition, and will begin to feel opressed at having to "clear" everything with their partner. They will soon resent having to ask if there's money for this or that item they want, as if they are a child, and will resent being treated as less than equal, and will seek to find a partner who will treat them as an equal. A perfect storm of divorce-inducing elements! Choose your partners wisely! I was lucky enough to and our love is still growing after 32+ years! Good luck! Pleasing women in unbelievable ways for 45 years... You could be next...
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8/11/2007 9:44 pm |
I'm a single str8 guy and know something about psychiatry, too. All of us are socialized from young on to be possessive and jealous...it is an integral part of our monogamous, patriarchal family structure. Even gay couples make similar arrangements when choosing lifetime partners. I would prefer a married woman for a relationship but, only if her husband is alright with it....an open marriage, polyamory or threesome type of relationship. I don't think anything good can come from cheating and sneaking around. Been there and done that with all the angst that goes with it. Just my buck fifty! 
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8/11/2007 11:11 pm |
Sounds like a complex situation. I know when I was married, which just ended this past april because my wife thought I was cheating on her, which is completely not true, she was very posessive and I couldn't leave the house for more than 5 minutes before I got a phone call, and then another every 10 minutes, just to make sure I wasn't cheating. It is a two way street, woman can be just as possessive as men. I feel the need for my independence and am not sure I will ever get married again.  Some days life is a bitch that way.
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8/12/2007 10:46 am |
Hmmm... Well Heather, I can say that I must agree with you. But, I have seen and experienced the same with some ladies. It is all in careful vetting and getting to know your friends and partners. Psychology and sociology aside...it is all about current expectations and how to manage them within a limited relationship. Easier said than done, of course... Personally, being a bit like you in my mindset, I hope that I find partners who are intelligent, interesting , sexually charged, fun...but approach things in a mature and limited fashion. I too have found a variety of partners...delighted, shocked, and disappointed in my interactions...lol... Stick to your guns about where you are at in your life, and what you want. But, some of us single guys are approaching life very similarly to you !Bill
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Wow, You guys are good. Got me to thinking that maybe I'm not blameless here either. I think I have tended to brow beat my b/f's in the past. and to tell the truth I find myself getting bored with he same guy all the the time then I try to sabotage the relationship. hmmmmm
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8/14/2007 8:48 pm |
I wish you'd give this single guy a chance
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Now see...I have the opposite problem! I AM married...and yet, I can't seem to convince anyone that my wife is not only okay with but encourages me to have a lady friend with benefits on the side! She even wrote me a "permission slip" for crying out oud...and I still can't seem to find a lady who will belive me! LOL!!! Eventually she figures she would like to join in with the lady and I...but for now she would prefer that I have a "FWB". 
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8/30/2007 3:51 am |
You know sweetie I agree with the single guys theory you've posted. sometimes you have to go with what ya know and what works. T
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8/30/2007 2:42 pm |
This is funny because you are living by Leykis code. He says that lovers, friends and sometimes family will only drag you down from you professional life if you are trying to achieve a goal. I am single after a mentally battering and bruised relationship, which resulted in a child, and now realize that I have to cut people off when it doesn't pan out.. don't drag it out.. when it's over it's over!!! I love to have fun and you seem very cool and a ton of fun, I would love to trade notes with you and see what happends. Keep sticking to yourself and don't let people move off your path, CHANGE FOR NOBODY!!! Ben
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leykis sounds like a smart guy , the name rings a bell but I cant seem to place him.
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Hello Sunshine  I have a lot of the same issues with some women they always want to try to control me or change me I guess that is why I am still single and probably will be forever Anyhow you seem like a nice girl and a really great person and I wish you the best of luck Peace, David
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9/3/2007 12:51 am |
Heather, I agree with Bill. Some woman play the same kind of game. One women I had a relationship with (and loved here head over heals) tried the same, meaning to change the way I am and dominate me. When our relationship began, with a long walk in a forrest, I warned her that she musn't try to change my and has to take me as I am and for what I am. I for one like freedom and going my own way. Not to "fuck around", but I live my life the way I like it. Within several weeks I realized, that she did try and manipulate me in doing all those things I really didn't care about. She became really possesive about me and even scarred away her best friend, fearing that she would steal me away from her (her girlfriend was more attractive and smarter, but somehowe I didn't really like her). After 3 months I broke up the relationship, a kind of hard thing to do for me, because I really did love that woman. She wouldn't accept the fact, that I didn't want to see her anymore and stalked me for several months. So Heather, not only the guys tend to become possessive in a relationship. In the end I must agree with David, that this is the fact why most of us here are still single. Happy hunting Heather, Ronald
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