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| Blogs > rm_IvannaBYours > Ivanna Fuck You Like An Animal |
For Love OR Money?
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For Love OR Money? Well sufficient to say, things did NOT work out with the BF again. Shocker!   It seems to me that no matter what I try and do in relationships, I always end up being used somehow... Either for sex, status, arm candy, money (when I had some) or obsession. In which case they simply become so possessive, that they just don't want to see me with anyone else; and pretend to love me/care for me to keep me there. Like, what the hell is that?  I've been used so many times before, it's really getting old now  Don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of using people too, back in the day; but now I just wish I could find someone who cares for me the way I am, and not try to use me or change me into something I'm not. A while back (when me and my guy split up the last time) I joined a 'sugar daddy site' thinking that if I can't have love in my life, I might as well have money. I went on a few dates, but just couldn't do it. I couldn't lower myself to have sex with these men. Their arrogance and concede was a total turn off to me. That's the thing I hate most about 'rich people' they think because they have all this money, that the world, and everyone in it, owes them something. Like because they can buy everything, that everyone else can be bought. I've had sugar daddies in the past, which is why I thought about doing it again in the first place. But the guys I used to have before weren't like these ones! My guys where quiet, down earth, business men (many trapped in unsatisfying & even arranged marriages) and they respected me to the utmost. Treated me like a princess and cared for ME and my well being. We did more than just have sex. We went places, saw things and enjoyed our life/time together- it was wonderful. The guys I was meeting on this site were looking for nothing more than a regularly scheduled booty call service, for bargain basement prices. What they really needed was to set up and arrangement with a or something, because this was not 'sugar' not as I've ever known it anyways...  So yeah, I met a few guys and nothing much ever came it... Sure I was supposed to go to Germany for 2 weeks, be flown down Florida, North Carolina and Texas n stuff, but I decided not to go. If I'd have gotten there and been put off by these guys, I'd have been STUCK there and very unhappy. There where a few guys, who really caught my eye though. Not because of their looks (they weren't that physically attractive to be honest) but because of the way they looked at me and thought of me n stuff... I dunno? They really looked inside of me, behind the hair, makeup and persona BS, and saw my heart, my hopes and my goodness. As much as I liked that, it also scared the hell outta me. It's been so long so since I've been treated so well, and made to feel so infinitely special and adored. It felt so good that I actually cried.  lol To be told I'm special and that I deserve better than what life's thrown at me. To be given a hand, not just money, but guidance and emotional support. What a true gift- their friendship!  WOW! I'm really unsure on what to do at this point now. Breaking up with my X, a man I loved so much, going threw a divorce, and all the other major changes in my life- I just don't want to be hurt again. I'm sure some of you are thinking that if these guys are 'only' Sugar Daddies, I'm just using them for cash. But it's not true at all. I'm very selective in who I give myself to, and personality is 95% of that decision at least! I did 'fall for' one of the Sugar Daddies of my past once, and we were even talking about getting married. He wanted me to go back to school and get my education, to buy me restaurant or some kind of business to keep me busy, and to give me something of my own. He really wanted what was BEST 4 ME, my millionaire Yeung- he was a wonderful man. But I was young and still holding on to my high school sweet heart, and when I became pregnant, I had to decided between the baby and the marriage. I choose the baby, obviously, and it's something I'd never take back in a million years. But I do often wonder how my life would have been different if I'd have married my millionaire??? So here I sit again, on the fence between love or money. Wondering just what life has in store... If I had to choose between the two, I'd choose love for sure! If you have that special kind of love and relationship, no amount of money can ever replace it. But could I be so lucky, as to find them both again? Find them BOTH & NOT botch it up?  hmmm....The one decision I've firmly made is that I'm going back to school and getting my degree- no matter what! I'm not going to leave the rest of my life to fate, and I'm going to make sure that I'll be able to stand on my own, not depending on anyone else from now on! So this is where I am right now. What's going on inside my head and in my life. Your thoughts? |
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Why not just enjoy your life and hang out with your friends, and NOT make having a man in your life priority? YOu have to love yourself first, 200% before someone can love you for who you are... And if you are constantly seeking sugar daddies, than seems all you want is the money aspect. You won't find love and respect by having a sugar daddy. I hope you find yourself soon and realize that you deserve more than a sugar daddy. Find some self respect.. It's amazing what it can do for one... It's great being oneself.. And loving life ...  My two cents anyhow.. Like them or don't, lol.. just sharing what I think... All the best. Come leave me some thoughts forujules I'd love to read them~xo~
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