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| Blogs > wickedeasy > wicked and that ain't so easy |
a unilateral decision
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a unilateral decision A unilateral decision leaves no room for discussion. It’s made by one person who then effectively leaves the room, all others be damned. Now, it may seem that this type of decision is unfair, even incendiary and for the most part, I would agree. But consider the scenarios below and then we’ll talk again. When the decision is made on limited knowledge, or no knowledge, is a decision actually made or is it just a gut feeling? Gut feelings have been known to shape the course of history, define relationships, save lives, and …………ruin others. Scenario one: You (a woman) walk into a room where there are only men and they are pushing and shoving one man against the wall. This was supposed to be a birthday party. Your gut says leave and so you do. Your boyfriend calls and asks where you are. You claim you have a stomach bug. Scenario two: You see a man, roughly pushing a woman against a wall while you are walking through a semi deserted urban area. You scream for help and call 911, running into an open bodega for cover. Scenario three: You leave a relationship. It’s a feeling, not anything concrete. You do it without discussion but you know something is off. Okay, you can see where I’m going with all three. All have explanations that explain the moment, all have explanations that can support the gut reaction. Now let’s get very real. In each situation make the man a black man. Did your decision make more or less sense to you? Did you do anything differently? Because if you did, or even if you say you didn’t but you really would have, and let’s face it, most of us would, we need to stop and take a deep breath. American needs to do some serious listening to our black brothers and sisters. And no this is not a conversation. White people don’t get to talk. We listen. At long last and for the first time, we actually listen and start to try to understand, not just wait for our turn to talk and explain away the injustices, the goddess willing. If we don’t, a unilateral decision will be made without any consideration for those of us who think we’re not the problem. I am a bigot…..say it with me. It’s not so hard. We just need to work on it, like we did in the 60’s before we forgot that issue wasn’t resolved.  You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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Yeah. I've already had to say it. And then shut up and listen. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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me education continues and I am blessed to have friends willing to teach me. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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12/29/2016 2:58 pm |
in each scene.. I thought of a white guy .. you then said it was a black guy.. I agree us white people have to shut up and listen.. But lord.. that should have been like 50 yrs ago we should have listened. we should have listened since 1864 .. thing is , we have closed minds. and they never hear anything. face piles of trials with smiles.. MOODY BLUES please feel free to visit my blog happy blogging
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Race was the farthest thing from my mind when I read this. I never grew up in a racially charged atmosphere.I have never had the bigoted personalities like mom or dad or uncles or aunts or even granny and grampy in my up bringing imprinting me with the old thoughts of racism that we still have today.Racism is taught in this country and it starts at home.Which I tend to believe is why we still have a long way to go. I can't say it with you if it doesn't exist in me. Using more than all the road!
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When the decision is made on limited knowledge, or no knowledge, is a decision actually made or is it just a gut feeling? Gut feelings can be tricky. In my opinion of course every situation is different and how much credence is given to a gut feeling should depend on the perceived level of threat at the moment. I tend to be constantly observing and assessing what's going on around me so I don't tend to jump to conclusions, but I do admit to having some learned/heard prejudices from some of the people I grew up around. So while I will admit to considering all the possibilities (negative included as in those statements made by people flash through my mind briefly) I tend to prefer to have enough information before deciding. Asking me to think like I am a woman in these situations is in itself prejudicial as I can't say for sure who I would be if I was a woman I can only imagine. I might very well do some ball busting if I found myself in those situations as a woman. The only difference I would feel if I as "me" was in those situations is to consider why are "they" harassing, if that was the case, this black guy but that would be affected by who "they" are also. My decisions simply wouldn't have been the ones made in those examples so I don't see me acting any different whether the "man" or woman perhaps for my case had been black instead of white or some other color.There is a difference between being a bigot and being prejudiced and how one handles prejudice that was learned or heard but not believed in. But I do hear what you are saying and I agree that people need to start listening to each other regardless of color but especially so when someone is trying to get people that do see color in a negative way to understand what is going on in this country. Vive La Difference
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I didn't think of race at all. I was focused on the potential acts of violence you presented in the first 2 scenarios. As for scenario 3 --if there isn't any chemistry and the possibility of friendship doesn't come to mind then there's no reason to continue. I don't see any of the 3 scenarios as being handled differently due to race. Never ignore those who care for you you will have lost diamonds while you were collecting stones
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American needs to do some serious listening to our black brothers and sisters. And no this is not a conversation. White people don’t get to talk. We listen. At long last and for the first time, we actually listen and start to try to understand, not just wait for our turn to talk and explain away the injustices, And this is where I think we run into trouble in this country. First, I cringe at that hippy crap of "our black brothers and sisters". That's a 40 or 50 year old hold over from when that was common slang. Aside from a few ancestors, I don't have any white brothers or sisters. I have friends, acquaintances, people I know online, colleagues, etc. And that is how I expect to be treated. For any white person to call me their sister is to presuppose a level of intimacy that simply does not exist. Next, there has to be a dialogue among all races. The idea that white people need to keep quiet and just listen is at the heart of every bullshit diversity training I was forced to be a part of. Is it any wonder that the first time a presidential candidate comes along who pretty much says, "fuck diversity", there were a string of whites who fell over themselves to vote for him. 15+ years ago I told fellow trainers that there would be a backlash one day. Back when I was in corporate training I used to *hate* diversity training with the heat of 1000 suns because all it did was tell white people, "this is what you need to say or else you'll be racist/sexist/*ist, etc". That doesn't change people's hearts, it just creates a festering sense of frustration. (And for the record, I worked for a very large international financial services firm that spent a shit ton of money to buy and/or develop the best diversity training money could buy). I recently taught a class that touched on issues of race and class. One of the things I was proudest of is that a couple of my students who were politically conservative specifically thanked me for providing a safe space where they could express their beliefs as freely as the more liberal students. When you tell white people to shut up while black people talk you are devaluing their point of view in much the same way blacks point of view has been devalued. What we need is a real dialogue without blame and recriminations on either side. I get that everyone wants to make things better but I think we've been going about it all wrong for 40 odd years and we need to find a different way of doing it.
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I must confess I wasn't thinking about race at all when I read it. We never had racial problems etc where I grew up, we were always a mixed bunch of people and everyone was welcome regardless of colour, race, gender or income. But yes, maybe we do need to shut up and listen for a bit 
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An open mind is always best. There was a time when people thought the Sun revolved around this planet! 
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I have an open mind to most things.. You do your best in the decision you have to make and go with that.. Stay with you gut feelings as they normally are right hugs V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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i worked with the Panthers in the 60's. i am working with a coalition now of young people who feel strongly that their voices are not being heard. that most of the time, people are waiting them out so they can explain why they shouldn't feel the way they feel. so listening IS important. i'm not saying, don't talk ever. i'm saying listen carefully and not simply to rebut. listen to the whole damn thing. listen to the anger and the pain and don't gainsay. so i am not devaluing anyone's thoughts or opinions except maybe the KKK. and mr. Trumps. but i will say it aloud, i was rasied here in America, trained as a bigot in a million little ways and i learned it. i need to unlearn it. so while i will gladly have a dialogue..........first, i intend to listen. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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I did not say black brothers and sisters. But you did, look at the quote at the top of my comment, you say it in the second line of the last paragraph. and yes, a dialogue would be wonderful. but before we start a dialogue, before we can even attempt a dialogue, there is a lot of listening that needs to be done. Yes, but it has to be done on all sides and that's what I continually fail to see happening. If you tell people to shut up and let "the minority" speak, you are just perpetuating the problem. I hear too many people on the far left get so wrapped up in the right and wrong speech and attitude that they shut down dialogue and become as much of a censor as people on the far right do. Trump's victory was a wonderful opportunity to begin a mutual dialogue but instead all I see around me is "he's not my president" bullshit and finger pointing and blaming for how fucked up the Democratic party got. I don't think enough people get that we didn't lose anything or go backward in our attitudes about race. They miss that we never made much progress to begin with, people just stopped saying and doing what they were told to stop doing and saying. Instead of the legislative aggression of Jim Crow, we got microaggressions. that we can't tell come from ignorance or disrespect. I saw something similar happen with Reagan and it happened again. i worked with the Panthers in the 60's. That was the 60s, nearly 50 years ago and even the 60s weren't the 60s the are irrelevant today. i am working with a coalition now of young people who feel strongly that their voices are not being heard. that most of the time, people are waiting them out so they can explain why they shouldn't feel the way they feel. And I don't know if you've ever been to a professional diversity class but this is the same thing that is done to people who are white, and/or educated, and/or have money. Not only is it insulting but it shuts people down from wanting to listen and hence, the people you work with felt unheard Which they probably are because the people they want to listen to them have white (or educated or financially comfortable) guilt fatigue. I think one of the most disgraceful things is the way privilege is positioned in this country. Privilege is not a bad thing, it's a matter of genetic roulette: who and when you are born. There is nothing inherently wrong in benefitting from your privilege. The problem is when we use our privilege (nd we all have it, even women) to actively deny the experience of others. When we construe reality within such narrow parameters that there is no room for anyone else's reality to co-exist. I think I will always be at least a little bit stupefied about how wrong the left has been getting it and continues to get it. And the scary part of the "wronger" they get it the farther to the right te US lurches. Most people who talk about the US becoming fascist, have *no real idea* what fascism looks like from the inside. I've talked to someone who was part of the government in Pinochet's Argentina, I've talked to someone who was a young woman in Nazi Germany and I wouldn't be arrogant enough to say that I have any real idea. However, what I heard makes me genuinely concerned that the left is going to push us into the type of fascism that the darkest elements of the right want to pull us into. I'm not going to apologize for my little red soapbox. I've been saying this sort of thing for damn near 20 years. I do apologize, though, for taking up so much real estate in your blog.
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