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the wedding 11/20/2009
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the
service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can
a man marry?"
"Sixteen, " the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How
do you know that?"
"Easy, " the little boy said. "All you
have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said, 4 better, 4 worse,
4 richer, 4 poorer."
0 Comments, 176 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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rewards in heaven 11/17/2009
3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate
and said, "However good you were to your wife that
is the vehicle you will get in heaven".
The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never,
ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter
gives him a Rolls Royce.
The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife
a little but I stilll love her." He gets ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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why buy the cow.... 11/15/2009
The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.
The people did some research and found they could buy a cow
in North Carolina, for $200.00.
They bought the cow from N. C. and the cow was wonderful.
It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were
pleased and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce
more cows like it. ...
1 Comments, 155 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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shoulda bought a hat..... 11/12/2009
An elderly couple named Margaret and Burt live in Alberta.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So
seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home,
walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his
wife, 'Notice anythingdifferent about me?'
Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'
Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses,
and > walks back ...
1 Comments, 147 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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good trade.... 11/10/2009
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in
Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman
walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and
quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman
if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she
got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo
woman noticed a brown ...
1 Comments, 145 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
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marketing and promotions 11/10/2009
One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare
rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business
trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity
department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives
of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they
enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
1 Comments, 122 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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air traffic controller 11/10/2009
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew
of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a
wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate
female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew,
screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you
going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned
right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's ...
1 Comments, 141 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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an italian,a frenchman ,and the jew 11/9/2009
The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had
great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made
passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes
at the end."
The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and
I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then
made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes."
The Jewish man says, "Well, ...
2 Comments, 124 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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This is nice 11/8/2009
let me know what you think about roleplaying.
5 Comments, 92 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score
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guess your weight 11/7/2009
A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to
a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on a per pound price with the
farmer and then begins to select a pig. "How about
that one?"
"OK, " replies the farmer. The farmer then
picks up the pig, puts it`s tail in his mouth, lets it hang
from his mouth and then declares, "This one weighs
74 pounds."
"That`s amazing, " the man ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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goat hunting 11/7/2009
A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting.
The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any
farm animals.
The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed
to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything
about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed
so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.
"It ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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used parrot 11/7/2009
Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large
beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said
$50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store
owner.
The owner replied, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a house of , and
sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have
the bird ...
1 Comments, 89 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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secret to a long marriage 11/3/2009
There once was a little old man and woman who had been married
happily for 75 years. They never kept anything from each
other. But, the little old woman had a box in her closet which
she told her husband not to look at. He respected her wishes
and thought nothing of it.
One day the little old woman got very sick and her husband
was afraid she was going to pass on. So while she she was ...
4 Comments, 151 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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2 hours of GREAT SEX !!!! 11/2/2009
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy,
when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife
for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she
can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."
His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you
make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of
great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be
thrilled!" So the ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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story with a moral.... 11/1/2009
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch
of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's
youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would
have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he
still had no answer, he would be killed.
The question was: What do ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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the virtue of purity 11/1/2009
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on
a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his
move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This
may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping
myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But,
it has my husband ...
1 Comments, 91 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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one of THOSE days.... 11/1/2009
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.
A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you
sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her.
Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg
and kicked ...
1 Comments, 85 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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six double vodka's 11/1/2009
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, "Give
me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of
a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is
gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the
same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the
answer came back, "I've just found out that ...
1 Comments, 82 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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a sexist joke :O 10/30/2009
...why do men like to be on the bottom during sex so much?
......because they only know how to fuck up 
2 Comments, 55 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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The healing touch ! 10/2/2009
A Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one
afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The
man looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that
Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes, "
so the man told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched
back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat ...
4 Comments, 219 Views,
48 Votes
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Politically Correct 9/25/2009
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN
STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get ...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Combacks 9/25/2009
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. ...
1 Comments, 57 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Men 9/25/2009
... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night
long.
... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
... Coolers. Load them ...
1 Comments, 32 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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AMISH ELEVATOR 9/18/2009
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together
again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father(never
having seen an elevator) responded, ", I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know
what it is." While the boy and his father were ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Goodbye Daddy 9/18/2009
tsk tsk tsk...motherhood is a certainty...fatherhood
a probability...
GOODBYE DADDY
A father put his 3 year old to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended
by saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.' The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?' ...
0 Comments, 139 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Marriage counseling ! 9/4/2009
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years
of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went
into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem
they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She
went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over ...
3 Comments, 228 Views,
30 Votes
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30 truths about women 9/1/2009
1. Wherever they are, women will stop to look at four things,
earrings, handbags, shoes, and clothes.
2. Women love eating chocolate cake but always complain
about their weight.
3. If a woman ask you if she is getting fat, if you say ‘no’,
she won’t believe you and if you say ‘yes’, she’ll get mad.
4. If you need to explain ...
4 Comments, 140 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Trip to Vegas ! 8/25/2009
George and Gertrude decided to celebrate their 50th
Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they
entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young
woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly.
George brushed her off.
Gertrude objected, "George, that young woman was
nice, and you were so rude."
"Gertrude, she's a ."
"I don't believe you. ...
2 Comments, 190 Views,
27 Votes
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funny things happening during sex 8/10/2009
whats funny shit has happend to you whilst having sex. best
one for me was when someone had a water belly so made funny
sounds  hahahhaha
4 Comments, 140 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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GENDER ITEMS 8/8/2009
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but
you can always see right through them.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears
useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time
just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom
in pairs.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue ...
1 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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